Date: Jun 6, 2005 5:57 PM
Subject: Agreements/guidelines for Pumpkin Hollow

In response to the May 31 minutes,

"Sarah will put out to the e-scamps list that we need to develop a list of materials for each space as well as agreements/guidelines and we need a focalizer for each space" (I think this also addresses Nancy's po= st)

so here is my attempt to address that and below is a summary as focalizer for Pumpkin Hollow (see March 22 post "Sensual Space and Emotional Deep-Connection" for the original idea).

I will probably not make most phone meetings so please feel free to followup by email with suggestions and input as well as posting to the entire list (see especiallyk item III.5. below) Hugs, Harel

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Pumpkin Hollow: A Loving Sensuality Space

I. Mission: Provide scaffolding for Heart-To-Heart Closeness with Deep Emotional Intimacy and/or "Sensual Dates"

II. Purpose: Pumpkin Hollow will be a safe, publicly usable, uninterruptible and intimacy-facilitating area for getting to know someone better up close and personally, within certain boundaries, that is within the agreements below. You and/or the Other may not be comfortable or ready to enter a private tent or a sexual tent, but may wish to engage loving touch like holding, long hugs, cuddling, massage, etc (see list below) in a setting which, unlike the Stage for example, is less prone to noise, interruptions, distractions, and pedestrian traffic.

III. Agreements (similar meaning to "Rules") for those wishing to use Pumpkin Hollow:

1. Activities within the spirit of Pumpkin Hollow include: foot or back rubs, long holds, body length hugs, cuddling, rubbing noses, and a place for giving and receiving sensual massage in the spirit of "Eros" (not restricted to "Agape") but in a way that is not directly sexual. Nuzzling, showering long kisses over another's face or forehead, etc.

2. Boundaries and the "Energy" Criterion: a. Clothing is optional, as elsewhere at Camp. b. Activities not within the spirit of Pumpkin Hollow would be intercourse, oral-genital contact, or directly masturbating your or your partners genitals. c. Rubbing together including pelvicly is allowed (as is mouth to mouth kissing) however keeping in mind that the key criterion/question for staying within the Spirit of Pumpkin Hollow is the 'energy' state: if you are both moving towards breathless, "yes, yes, yes!" state, then it is time to either slooooow dooooown, or change activities, or pause, or else if you are sure (see below) to move to a sexual space.

3. The Spirit: Please keep in mind Pumpkin Hollow is a place for promoting and supporting warm, empathic, accepting, healing, loving, gentle, supportive, comforting, soul-nurturing touch that can be very erotic, but is not directly sexual. These are key, integral parts of what human beings need at the deepest root level. If we are to heal the environment and fighting in this world, as well as heal inside, this sacred realm must be encouraged and supported just as much as NVC, Vanilla and Strawberry tents, of scaffolding such as the few-minute dates.

4. Arousal, if it happens, is welcome and without shame, but it is never a 'necessary' for any of the participants.

5. [On "Public" versus "Reservable" I would like to suggest that we spend a bit more time coming to agreement on this, and to suggest that folks have a look at my May 27 post, "Re-starting "Tents and Spaces" discussions" where I offer one way to bridge the gap between the needs of those calling for "Public" and those calling for "Reservable" with a middle-ground set of possibilities that may be workable for all. I am happy to send out the 'official' III.5. later to the list, hopefully after wider agreement]

IV. Suggestions:

1. Aftercare/transition: Suggested ways to end a session in the Sensual place include spending at *least* 5 to 10 minutes, after you both decide you are ready for "closure" of your sensual time together (and after getting dressed if that applies) while still inside Pumpkin Hollow, by holding or cuddling or hugging, perhaps doing deep breathing while looking into each other's eyes, as suggested closures/transitions.

2. Sensuality does not need to lead to Sexuality, though it's ok if it does. A session at Pumpkin Hollow can end wonderfully with "just" the above suggested aftercare/transition. What if you feel like moving to your tent for some sexual activities? Deep, heartful, sensual time can be a wonderful prelude to sexual activities. Still, you might want to consider a suggested (not mandatory) 24 hour or other period of time to think over your experience.

Just as in the mainstream world people may say "I don't want to risk our wonderful Platonic relationship" you might say, "That was wonderful. I don't want to risk our *non*-Planotic, Sensual, but Non-sexual, beautiful space we've just built together..I'd like to think and digest it..This is not a rejection of you, and *part* of me *wants* to move to sexuality with you, but it's my own inner needs to process.." Above all, be gentle with yourself, and with one another, and joyfully bask in the warmth of Pumpkin Hollow!